3 Steps To Boost Your Self-Esteem
3 Steps To Boost Your Self-Esteem
I’ve already talked about why you need self-esteem in my previous blog, so let’s get into how you can quickly boost your self-esteem using these 3 simple steps. Of course, having self-esteem is more involved than just 3 steps but this is just a start or a quick boost. Right now you are just trying to “convince” yourself but don’t worry, I’ll go into more detail about turning “convincing” into believing later on.
Before we start, you should have access to some paper a pencil and if possible some post-it notes.
Step #1 – Stop lying to yourself!
We all have those false narratives in our head saying something negative about ourselves, right? If your someone who is saying things like “I’m stupid or I can’t do anything right” that just isn’t true and the best way to prove it is to do step #2.
Step #2 – Make a list of 5 weaknesses and 5 strengths.
Take a piece of paper and pencil and write down 5 weakness and 5 strengths. Make sure to write five, no more and no less. I’m sure you immediately know your weaknesses and maybe you need time to think about your strengths. We all tend to know our weaknesses before our strengths. Just take some time, think about your job, your family, compliments from others, hobbies, and your daily activities. Even if it seems silly or even if you’re not sure you totally believe it’s a strength, just write it down. Remember we are just in the “convincing” stage right now and we will get into the believing stage later on. After you write this down take a moment to look over it. See, those false narratives are already proving to be false. You can do something and you are good at something — you just listed five of them.
Step #3 – Change the narrative
This is where the post it notes will come in handy because I want you to have access to them at all times and bring it with you everywhere you go. So, put it on your phone, write it on your hand, wherever you need to put it so you ALWAYS have it with you and you can ALWAYS see it. I want you to write the following phrases:
“No, because I am good at…..”
“That’s ok because I am good at…..”
“If I want to I’ll work on that…..”
Then under those phrases make a list of your 5 strengths so you have all three phrases and all 5 strengths written down.
In this step, we really just want to change the narrative. Change what your thinking or saying from a negative statement to a positive one. Again, we are just convincing ourselves right now.
There are usually different categories or types of negative sayings that we might say to ourselves so I want you to use the 3 phrases in certain circumstances.
Phrase #1 “No because I am good at……”
Would be used for those general false narratives like, “I’m so stupid” or “I just can’t do anything right”. The narratives that are not specific and are more general in nature. These are exaggerated narratives that just aren’t true. You’re not stupid because you have at least 5 things that you’re good at, it’s right there on your list. In these cases you want to immediately look at your list and say “no because I am good at (insert one of your 5 strengths)”.
Phrase #2 “That’s ok because I am good at……”
Would be used for a more specific narrative that you might think about yourself like, “I’m not good at math”. I’m having you use this phrase because this narrative might be slightly true. Maybe you’re not that good at math. What you MUST realize is that everyone has weaknesses, we can’t be good at everything and that’s ok. You just want to change the narrative. In these cases, you want to immediately look at your list and say, “That’s ok because I am good at (insert one of your 5 strengths”. Again, we are just trying to change the narrative at this time.
Phrase #3 “If I want to I’ll work on that” or “That’s ok, I’m working on that”
Would be used when there is something you don’t like about yourself or you don’t think your good at but you want to change it. This is important because there are some things we can improve about ourselves. If I’m not good at math, I could take a class, practice and try to improve, right? BUT, only if I want to! I used the words “If I want to” because there may be things you don’t need to improve or don’t care to. If it’s not something that means something to you or that might have a big impact in your life then you don’t have to change it. The second part of the phrase is important when you DO want to change it. In these cases, you want to immediately look at your list and say, “If I want to I’ll work on that (insert one of your 5 strengths”. or “that’s ok, I’m working on that”.
You can do this if it is something you are saying to yourself or if it’s coming from someone else. Best thing to do is to be consistent. Do this every time, even if it feels silly, just do it.
Those are 3 steps to help create quick action toward boosting your self-esteem. The next step is more involved where you will go from convincing to believing.